join me here and we will talk

Wednesday, December 29, 2010


 They say that a family is the basic foundation of a community. They say that family is where your heart is. But how can we chose our own family if one of the members chooses to be unattached??Would you still consider her a family if all she did is destroy each member?Would you still care for her if she can tell to people that she doesn't belong to it anymore?

Tuesday, November 9, 2010


The saddest part of being alone is when you really feel so all alone. The struggle of making life without someone to cling on is a total disappointment,,for me. In the thirty-two years of my life, it has been a miserable one. But a friend of mine reminded me that not all of it was.I had my 2 kids to share life with. I have a family that I can say never turned away from me through the darkest days of my life. and although I would like to admit it that she is right, why do I still feel so all alone on any battle I am facing.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Senior Citizens are

As you well all know my mom just got out from the hospital after having confined at the intensive care unit because of heart attack, pneumonia and other complications. During those days in the hospital, medicines were asked every now and then. Transcriptions were given every hour. And most of the medicines are very expensive. Then we knew mom is already a senior citizen and people of her age are given 20% discounts on medicines and other things needed for them. So we tried to use her card but we needed to secure for a purchasing card first before we were allowed to buy.
One of her medicines were an antibiotic that would cost Php 1,200 every 6 hours to be injected on her i.v..So we then went to Botika ng Bayan, a pharmacy said to have cheaper costs of medicines. Before approaching the counter we asked one of the pharmacists or the sales lady there if they have the kind of med that we were looking for. She said they got some stocks available and she even gave us the price of how much it cost. But when we gave her my mother's senior citizen card and the purchasing card, she backed out. Approached their head and returned telling us that the med were no longer available. What was that?
Just because we were about to purchase the meds with a senior citizen discount they ignored us and rejected us?what was that supposed to mean then??Why do we have to acknowledge this law when some of our pharmacies don't even givce credit to the seniors??

Sunday, October 10, 2010

mother mother why are u sick!!!

Monday morning when we rushed mom to the hospital. It was supposed to be just a plain check up although we know she really is sick and gets weaker. She has been having fever on and off for two weeks and her cough wasn't getting well either.When we reached Dr. Tan's clinic, she was immediately subjected to be admitted to Intensive Care Unit. We were all shocked.And afraid. Who would not be.After all we all know that ICU is the place for patients who are really on the edge of life and death.Mom was even refusing to be admitted there because she thought of it as a death place. Her blood pressure dropped to 60/40 and her heartbeat was dropping. She had heart attack.

Then everything was in a rush. Laboratory tests were done immediately. Medicines with higher dosage were given. When I visited her inside the ICU she was chilling with fever. When the doctor finally came to tell us her condition we were so damn sad. How can it be?How will we survive?
She has pneumonia. Her lungs had been swollen and her heart was affected. The fluid from the lungs covered her heart so that she has difficulty in breathing.It has to be drained out.The bacteria causing the swelling on her lungs was very high that her kidney was affected. Her creatin count was high. Her blood pressure now shoots up to 140/100 as well as her sugar count raised to 225. She was given insulin every 12 hours. The good thing is that she is still conscious.

After a day in the ICU there was tentative bill. Php 23, 684.87 just for one day in the ICU. We started to panic. How can we pay such big amount in just one day. We decided to take her out of the ICU and trasfer her to ward room. We were told to sign for a waver since it is against the doctor's will because she is still being monitored closely. But we explained to her that we just can't pay her bill with that huge amount and still goes up until she's out of that care. We asked to have her specialists see her in the ward room instead and be treated there.

Then I started to contact my friends who has long been neglected but not forgotten. People I don't speak to for years. But I asked them for help. I don't care if they think of me as crazy or what. I just want my mom to live longer. My friend in Vietnam sent me 50$. Her antibiotic alone would cost as 15$ every 6hours. Other medicines that should be taken besides antibiotics must be bought for faster recovery. I have contacted every single possible person that could help us with her meds. And until now I am still asking for help.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

12 years and more

Lately I have the chance to meet with people that I never thought I get to have a link with. It's not that I am not happy about it, I do. Somehow they have touched my life in so many different ways. And yet I ask myself why?
I get to meet again the man who I never thought in my wildest dreams that I have the chance to meet again.. He used to be part of my world. The very first part of my "fun" life as a girl. And to be honest I don"t even remember some things we did. The only thing I remember are those vivid parts like he used to be my first boyfriend and that he was the first person who has given me importance or who has shown me what its like to have someone in such a young age. Other than that I dont remember at all. I cant even remember if we ever had a kiss. Oh my God! What was I thinking. But now that I know he is just a chat away, I always look forward on seeing my chatbox blink on skype to have a little talk with him although sometimes I feel I get to bore him. Maybe it wasn't like this before. After all it has been 12 years...

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

I do (is it time to do?)

 Men's Ladies 10k Yellow and White Gold .07 Ct Round Cut Diamond His Her Engagement Wedding Bridal Ring Set
I want to tell you how I feel...
I want to share to you my life...
I want to say, "I do"

Sunday, September 19, 2010

getting ready

I am wondering what would it be like?
Should there be a touch of ethnicity since he is from a foreign land?
Or shall I stick to the traditional way?
But I want it to be unique and yet special?
Something everyone will remember as different..
Something not just me can be proud of.
After all it's my special day.
Hope to see u soon..very soon

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Hurricane Earl closes in on US East Coast

Just what I needed at this moment. Perfect timing huh??
How will I be able to brew my life with this perfect storm coming up?It was already planned. Well planned. And all of a sudden, there it was building up in the East Coast. Why does it have to be now? I mean, shouldn't it be after the plan has been materialized?I really don't care about this big storm but to ruin my life when I am here thousand miles away from the disaster. Just how much power it has?imagine it

Monday, August 30, 2010

Sometimes I wonder,
where I've been
who I am 
do I fit in...

It's the lyrics from one of the songs in Les Miserables. I must admit that sometimes I do feel that way. I don't know if I am rightful or doing something stupid again(seems I always do).Sometimes I feel like 

I did my best,
but I guess my best wasn't good enough...

People may think that I am so trying hard to be good .My mom always tell me I am a bright girl but when it comes to love I am the most stupid she has encountered. I am willing to give up everything for the one I love. And I have known that sometimes I chose to be blinded by love just so he would cling on me that open my eyes and lose him forever.

But now hopefully things would change...
I never dreamed someone like you could want 
someone like me..
Hope he is finally the right one. After all the troubles that I have been through, I know I deserve to be happy. And I am doing this not just for my own happiness but most of all for my family. So please be here because I need you.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Wacky MOnday

Or was I just so crazy about it?
Well I woke up late since I slept late last night as usual paying games on facebook and watching funny videos on youtube.
I was awaken by the noise of the kids running in and out of my room. My dear little baby was poking my face with her feeding bottle asking me to fix her a milk.My eldest was already facing the computer playing dress up games on the computer.My mom was nowhere to be found and dad was showing signs of eruption.What could possibly hit him now?as if I am not used to his tantrums at all. He is always like this. A day would never end without him showing his tantrums even with just no reason.
Actually I shouldn't be surprise at all if this is happening because its always like this everyday in the house. It's just now that I realize I can make it a subject for my writing. Though not very impressive but somehow I have the reason to write about.

Magically me??

I have always been a big fan to the CHARMED, the TV series aired sometime in 1999.Actually, I was first attracted to it not because of its magical spells but because of Shannen Doherty(Pruedence Halliwel) because she was also one of the cast in the TV series BEVERLY HILLS 90210 way back then(which I was also a fan). I liked her because there used to be a rumor that she is half filipina-half american being her mom a pinoy.It made me proud to know that. But until now I still don't know if it was true.
When I started to watched it on t.v. I was inclined and fascinated by its spells. Their duels and fights with demons and evil and all kinds of lords of the underworld.
Prue being the eldest sister has the power to move things with just a blink of her eyes and later grew with the help of the wave of her hands. And she was the strongest of the three sisters. Ever protective who stand for them no matter if it cost her life in the much later episode of the series.
Piper, as the middle child has the ability to freeze time. But she was the most vulnerable to all three of them(as for my opinion of course). She was the most rule obeying person in the story and very devoted to achieve her dream of becoming a chef.When Prue died, she begun to realize that its her time to start acting like the eldest and guide the younger sisters to their ultimate goal being the good witches. And that is to protect the innocent from the evil world.
Phoebe, being the youngest of them and the most troubled but the wisest of them. She's a real street smart. She always has the brightest ideas on how to solve each case of evil duels they encounter.
For me I could give it a five star rate. It touches relationships of the sisters or of siblings for that matter. Close to reality having sibling rivalry and later being resolved with their understanding and love for each other.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

I'm sooo Vain

But not really. I mean I was not the kind of girl who always do retouch for makeup or hairdo every time she got the chance. I didn't carry with me powder or a comb to use every five minutes just like my cousin. Well, I do bring them sometimes but they would just be an added inventory to the stocks in my bag that needs to be put on a dresser so they can be used and not kept inside the carry-on trunk forever. You see, I am not the typical girl really. I don't care much with how I look, or what I am wearing or maybe how my hair are all tussled and turned wherever I may go. I am just not like that. Even though I know I got oily skin and there was one time I tried using astringents to get rid of it or even to help whiten my skin, I couldn't make it last to use for a week because maybe I am just too lazy to apply them on.
But now that I got 2 kids already, and I have aged like twice the number where one should start being conscious with how a girl looks, I began to feel insecure. I got pimples on my face. I even indulged my self into facial spa where I put on some night creams and honey for washing, or some age defying creams and whitening creams just to get rid of these pimples no matter how much it would cost me. Isn't it ironic that just when I aged, I start to feel vain? Oh what a thought..

The LOve that was

I saw a picture of someone that was closed to my heart way back then. And not just a simple picture but a portrait of his own happy family. I never have thought in my wildest dreams that he could turn out to be this responsible to his own family. Well, I don't say that he wasn't responsible then but you know, he was the kind of guy then that just happy-go-lucky, loves to go out with friends, hang out with them and never even cared to come home but when needed only.
And now, he is the most proud father to his daughter. The most supportive husband and a good provider. What else can a wife ask for?The good thing is that I made good friends with his wife too. It doesn't need to shut the doors with this people just because I used to date him. I am so proud that he has made the right direction.I am so happy for you. You know who you are.

Friday, August 27, 2010


Good morning everyone! It's a rainy Saturday here. Nothing much to do today. Just watch over the store and hopefully sales would turn out right. It's been a week now that the store sales have going down the line. It's the least I expect to happen. I remember when I put up the store about 2 years ago that the sales was really good, even excellent. But now, I really don't know what's happening. The students are affected with the economy crisis. The drivers told me that their day round route can only pay their boundaries.Nothing much to keep for their families. What's happening?I thought economy would show up with the new administration?

A time for mourning

My neighbor's daughter who suffered from hydrocephalus for over a year after she was born died the other day. The irony of it was that the mother gave birth to another child while she was rushed to the hospital and was admitted in the ICU. Though it was already anticipated that it will soon come to pass away, I felt it was still painful. For a mother who carried nine months to a daughter and just right after that baby turned 1 year old passed away, it must felt so devastatingly painful and sad. I just pray that the family would soon surpass this grief and go on and move forward for the new born baby's sake.
i just created a new blog will be a more private one. More secrets to tell there. MOre things to will be my whole life

pls stop smoking

When I returned from Manila a few months ago,I thought it was already agreed that smoking will be prohibited inside the house. I am convinced that I got my FIBROSIS from second-hand smoking. My father and my brother are really chain smokers. They could use a pack or two in just one day. I asked them if they can't stop the habit then maybe they will just have to go outside and have it there. But then sometimes they just forget about it. I fear my kids would have the same ilness as mine. I really hope not.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

New Life is brewing

I got something brewing that I know will change my life and my entire family. I just wish it would be what I expect it to be. That's why I have been counting the days and it will soon be over. What I am brewing now will soon be served. I hope its as hot as I expect it to be.After all it will be my life I am cooking for.

MAjor, MAjor Way

She could have talked about what happened with her life. The hardships she has done after she had been dethroned for awhile then got back the crown and finally compete for the title. Or maybe she could have just simply said: "I didn't commit any major major mistake in my entire life so far but if I had then I wouldn't feel regret about it because I made them while I am still young. That way I could still make ammends, cover up the mistakes and make it right. I still got a lifetime to do the right things."
That's a major way..

Philippines--in trouble again

THis is really sad for me. I kinda hate the police officers who were there. Surely there was no proper coordination. The media and the people that shouldn't be there were not dismissed. There was no concrete plan on how to manage the hostage drama that took nearly 11 hours and killed 7 chinese nationals.
The guy was heartbroken. He was a good policeman during his time. If he hadn't been, how else did he received prestigious awards of loyalty and dedication to his work and country. Only because of some hocus pocus made and filed against him and dismissed him from service without even due process made him do this. Granting that it wasn't a brilliant idea but then it could have negotiated well and good. I f he had ever had the will to kill them all, it wouldn't take him too long to do that. The drama started as early as 9o'clock in the morning. He even had the heart to let go some hostages during the day. It goes to show that he was willing to cooperate and gave in. I really think he waws only triggered by the arrest of his brother as accesory to the crime.
It ended real bad. The governement should really do something about it. And I don't agree congratulating the police. They don't deserve it.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

counting the days

I have been counting the days for about a month now. whatever that is I don't want to spoil it for broadcasting it here. I just wish it would soon be over. that the long wait would finally come. That my counting would soon be on day 1. its so hard to wait for something. to long for something that you don't even know if it will come or not. still hanging on thin air.myLot User Profile

movie preview---

The Last SongI watched this movie this evening. I kinda liked it although its a teenage thing with a twist. I really thought that the story would go around Ronnie(miley cyrus character) being the rebellious daughter of a broken family. After her parents got divorced she always thought that she was one good reason why they separated. When she was forced to stay with her father one summer because of serious act she has done in her town, her father tried to reconcile with her not mentioning the battle her father has been going thru which is cancer..This movie made me cry really.
My Sister's Keeperthis one is the best cancer-related movie I have seen. I have never seen Cameron Diaz on a serious drama movie. and she was really great.the story is about a girl made to be born to keep her sister who was suffering from leukemia alive. She was designed to be the donor of every part of her body for transplant so her sister could make it. really great movie I swear.

hello am back

sorry I haven't been on the mood for blogging lately. Maybe because I was preoccupied with things. Things that needed too much attention. Oh but don't worry I am still fine..(who am I talking anyway).
honestly, I didn't wanna continue this blogging thing because I didn't see any reason to do so. I don't even have a follower. Isn't that ironic??
I have been inviting actually. And not all my friends were invited to follow me. Those people whom I send invitations were among the people that I wanted to share my life with. They are the people most special to me. I just hope they get the message right.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

cancer???is it the end...

And so because I was asked by the company to talk with the their doctor, I did not waste time. Even if it was a Saturday I went straight there first thing in the morning of the next day. I was really nervous but very impatient when I went to the office. I thought the employees noticed me being stressed and worn out.
The minute I arrived at the doctor's office I immediately asked for the result. I was asked to sit and listen carefully on his explanation. By then I started to panic. As if I really wanted to cry but no tears were falling. I felt my hand got colder and my cheeks hotter. I wanted to vomit or even pee.
The next thing I heard was that he was saying I have FIBROSIS on my upper right lung... I asked what is that? Is that related to the dreaded tubercolosis??? He then asked me if I even smoked during my entire 32 years. I said No but more often I can smell smoke. 2nd hand smoker I heard him saying that. My upper right lung is not functioning anymore--meaning it has died already. That could be the reason why I was having short breath or if I could smell smoke or if the area is not well ventilated, I find it real hard to breath. Then he explained everything which those everything I could not hear anymore because I wasn't listening at all. I thought of the kids. I thought of the wrong doings I have done in the past. Is this sickness the price I have to pay???

Sunday, July 4, 2010


May 28, 2010
I had to keep my cellphone open 24 hours a day since I signed the contract from the call center. By then I got real excited for the next step, the start of the training which was supposed to schedule on May 31st. they told me I should hear something from them today to know the details of my training(schedule etc.). and so I waited.
At 10am that day I received the long waited call from them. You should have seen my face. I was real excited.
Then the girl on the other line told me the "the big news"...
"Hello Ms....I regret to tell you that you will be rescheduled for the training since the results of your medical exams arrived yesterday and that there was something you need to discuss with the company doctor. Until such time that you can present a clearance that you are fit to work inspite of your negative results then we are afraid that we cannot include you on the next batch of training."
That was it.It was like a bomb has hit me. I didn't speak for awhile. I was trying to absorb all the details she was saying. But it was harder to believe.The more I try to convince myself that I still can do it the more it was hitting me that I didn't get the job.
How can it be possible??? The other day I signed the contract and now this somebody is calling me that it may be cancelled if I didnt do anything. Much worst it was because of the results of my medical exam. Goodness!!! What am I gonna do???

Thursday, July 1, 2010

contract signing

I was so excited when I went to the office to submit my requirements. I was thinking this could be the day that my life would turn around and luck would finally come my way.And I was right. I was lead to the HR to talk with their head and to finally sign the contract. Although I was really excited I had to read every detail in it to better understand what they were offering me. Indeed it was so tempting. Very much well compensated are the employees of this company. And I don't think there could be enough pressure. The team were like family. One could judge it when you get to see them laughing together, joking around. Then I had it in my mind that I am gonna do all the best I can to show up. To let them see how best I could be, an asset to the company. I was so happy when I brought back home  the copy of the contract. So eager that while I was on my way, even though busses and jeepneys horns were a natural noise pollution, I didn't mind at all. I called up my parents and told them what a great opportunity I have encountered in MAnila. Not all doors where closing me.This was one proof to that.

a poem given to me by a dear friend

With only pixels and bytes to bring us together
The web is acting as the strongest tether
The glimmering screen promising your beautiful vision
Exploding my mind like nuclear fission
Come close to me look into my heart
These pixels and bytes can’t keep us apart
But for now until later they our only chance
Of getting to know us, building a lovely romance
I want you Noeme and not just your image
I want the warmth of your charms just as I envisage
Float into my life through those pixels and bites
We will meet very soon wow just think of those nights

medicine??help me...

Since I was interviewed and hired on a Friday, I was subject for a medical exam immediately on the next working day, Monday. I am not really used to the streets of Manila.The whereabouts of these places written on a piece of paper where I am supposed to have my medical exam. But I wasn't worried at all.What's the use of asking for directions??
And so it went on.I exactly got everything for 3 working days. Then I will only have to wait for the results. While waiting I must submit other documents to the office so I could sign the contract soon. Thereafter, I would be given the schedule as to when I was supposed to start the training...I was really hoping and praying that the exams would come out without such problems. All i knew then was that I was as strong as a horse. No disease.

Monday, June 21, 2010

the quest

As promised to the company, a day after I arrived in Manila I went to them for the scheduled interview. I came there much earlier though so I waited for like two hours.When I finally came in the interview went thru the whole day...I came in at 9 then I was finished at 5 was kinda exhausting but really worth it. I got the job...I was given the instruction to do some medical exam before signing in for a contract. I felt so finally I got a nice Job....good luck to me

Monday, June 14, 2010

the 2nd day

may 13,2010
When one is sailing for 3 days and 2 nights, you don't know what to do. You get easily bored especially when you couldn't even see a single island anywhere..Only the wide ocean.I was just glad we were sailing with good climate..
I just took lunch at the cafeteria when I received the call from Convergys. They were asking me to report as soon as I reached Manila for interview.I knew I would be arriving there by THursday so I asked if I could still make it if I go the next day. They were too considerate to give me the chance.
Soon after that call, I received yet another 3 phone interviews from the call centers I submitted my resume with. I was so glad and excited about it. I knew it will never be difficult for me to start anew. Even though I left my kids in Davao, I knew they will understand why I did this.

the exodus

 May 12,2010
I needed to go somewhere else...far from where I was...I planned to live in a faraway land but i couldn't just go there..shrek wasn't available.
I bought a ticket for Manila.but before I left I applied several call center agencies so I can have a place to work.Then it will be a lot easier for me by then.
The ship was scheduled to sail at 11am of May 12. A day after national election..I didn't even get to vote because I was transferred to another precinct. I was just on the look while everyone else were practicing their right of suffrage.
As the ship was sailing, I got loads of plans ahead of me. If God's will I won't be coming back in Davao...

Sunday, May 9, 2010

I know life has been so unfair to me and very much complicated...I couldn't even remember a single moment of my life that things had been smooth sailing. Just everytime, trouble comes up...
I know I have discussed my heartaches here once with the guys I have been with in my life..And I know these people are not really good as a saint. They've had their own share of wrong doings. But why are they so blessed now?why are they happy? They have caused me pain in the past..they have hurt me so much..then why am I still suffering now???

Thursday, April 29, 2010


wow..I don't know if my blogging is successful or not.But you know what I really don't care.I just wanted to share my views and opinions or even how i feel right now with my life.I just can't take it that life for me has been so unfair.I have always been so miserable.And I don't really know why.All I wanted is to be happy.Just a simple plan.Just a simple wish.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Have you ever questioned life why it is not so fair to anyone? I mean I for one only wanted a simple but comfortable life.I have always wanted someone to love me and accept me for who I am and who I am not. I have been thru several relationships before that I thought this people, these guys would never get serious with their lives and never will have a great family I have always wanted. But when I get to see them on a social networking sights, pictures of their family, wife tacked in their arms or a picture with their kids or even in some instances, they have declared their engagement on this sight..How could they ever do this to me???
Sometimes I admit that when I see their pictures having the time of their life with their families, I envy them. I would sometimes think what if it was I? will I be happy? Oh I do not have regrets with my children, I adore them, I love them with all my heart. I would do anything for them. But its just that I sometimes wished I was on their wife's shoes..Maybe I am just asking too much that I shall not have. Maybe God has greater gift in store for me and my girls. By then, I must wait. It may take awhile but I shall wait. For my childrens' sake.
Marionette Gian
 hi, my nanay calls me butchik because of my chubby cheeks or buday because I am a burdagol Inday. My mom had difficulty during my delivery because she had pre-eclampsia, with her blood pressure shooting up real high and she was gaining so much weight, she thought she would deliver me with c-section. But I helped her out and exactly 12:10am of April 21, 2008, I came out and took my first breath of hospital
I wasn't a big baby, I was born 5.5lbs only. When mom brought me home, I caught amoeba so I was brought back to the hospital after 2 weeks I was born. With IV and all the medicines injected I think I kinda bloated. When the doctor told mom that I am allergic to milk's cow she got real worried because she knew then that my milk will really be very expensive. Soya milk has always been my milk since then.I didn't even get to be breastfed by her.

 For three months I had been in and out of the hospital.And each time the doctors and nurses had fun with me.In fact one of the doctors Dr.Abella, gave me the name Butchik.
But my mom loved me so much that she gave everything to support my needs.I was well loved by all the members of the family.
Ididn't have to feel that I have no father because all my Titos' and Titas' and some of family friends gave me all the love.Lolo especially gave all the things I should have.And mom told me that inspite of her situation being a single mother of two girls(I have an older sister,KD) she never heard Lolo and Lola anything that may have hurt her feelings.No talks, just acceptance and a welcome hug.
I got so many pictures to share with you.Hope you have fun time watching them.
This is my sister KD, she loved me so much although at times she gets jealous of me for all the attention I got.But I know Ate KD adores me so much.
But I know she hates my tantrums, I guess no one likes a childs tantrums.She shares with me all her toys and gave me all her dresses that she thinks do not fit her anymore.I have great clothes even though some were hand-me-downs from my sister. She takes good care of her things.She hates it when I touch anything of her own but when she gives me permission to play with her, ohh you will gonna love her forever.She's the kind of Ate that is generous and kind and loving and caring.

This is our latest family pic.Mom made a compilation of pictures of me and Ate KD and put it on DVD. She said it will serve a good memory of our childhood.I love watching it everyday because she put background music to it.If u see it you will really know that mom loves us soooo much.No doubt to it. Last April 21, it was my 2nd birthday.I know mom doesn't work anymore but she still managed to gave me something for my birthday.Wish life would be fair to her real soon.She really needs miracle I think. We don't want her being hard up for taking good care of me and my sister.We love her so much and I could bargain anything just to make her real happy.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

It's Monday

I know I said I want to update my blog with my daily activities as if I am making my own diary for public consumption..but I totally forgot to make my Saturday and Sunday regime..
Well, I thought its the best to escape a few days tho since it was totally boring. Nothing much exciting to talk about.
When I logged in to facebook this morning, something caught my attention. Then I begun to wonder if I may have been a bad person??? I mean I know I have done crazy things in my life and some were really unforgivable but to have a life so unhappy and full of misery?? I know a person who has done more bad things than me, more cruel or much more crazy. But why is he happy now? why does he have a family of his own. With children and a wife to take care and provide with as if when i saw their picture they make a real happy family. Don't I deserve to be just like him? I am not asking for more.. just a family...a father for my children..a husband for me..
oh what am I talking about???

from Danielle Steel novel "THE FAMILY ALBUM"

"God places the solidarity in families, families by blood, by obligation, by necessity, by desire...and sometimes, if one is very lucky, by love. it is a word that implies solidity, a rock-solid foundation, a place to go home to...
to grow out of... to grow away from and yet to remember and hang on to...the echoes never leaving one's ears or one's heart and yet never to be totally forgotten or left behind. The place where one begins and hope to end...the thing one works so hard to build one's own..
Family, what images that conjures...what memories...what dreams..."

Friday, April 2, 2010


Lenten Season is very much celebrated here. It is the best time to ask for forgiveness, penitence and pray. As for me and my little girls we did a movie marathon. Yes, we did so now they are sleeping soundly. Got tired of watching the movie the whole day. The most fascinating movie I saw today was Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief. It was really very educational for me since I have never taken Greek Mythology during college. Well,  my college years was cut short because of my untimely pregnancy. Anyway, it was really fun watching it because I feel my childishness again. And I just love movies like that. Like Harry Potter, The Charmed. The ones that tells about witches and wizards. It fascinates me more.
I did get to pray today so don't worry, my christian duty was done. We also watched  The Ten Commandments movie. You know, the story of Moses and Rameses. I even tried to explain to my kids why they do this and that because you know kids..what they see is what they believe in.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

I wanted my blog to be updated so i decided to write my daily activities. May it be boring or fun its up to u to decide. Just a little favor tho, don't be too judgmental because I have decided to write everything, from thoughts to doing ok???
Now to start with, I had a very boring day. I woke up really late because I slept late last night. I cut my finger from a bamboo last night so my finger is still aching until now.It's a little deep but I think it will be fine.Anyway, it's far from the real pain. My daughters Gian and KD woke up late too so when we went out by the hall no one was there anymore. We ate our breakfast together then I took them a bath together. Being a single mom is really a handful job but this is me..
When I checked on my email I received a letter from SFI inviting me to join their program so I gave it a shot. Since I was new to it, I found it fun and enjoying. I even devoted my time to it for almost half of the day because I wanted to earn more credits before I logged out. I just hope it's really promising and earning for that matter so my time and effort won't be totally wasted.
I thought keeping my blog will be easy tho but unfortunately it's kinda hard to find a topic that is worth to expound, really. I just wish tomorrow I can think of something that can be really captivating.
See you then and thanks for dropping by.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

"The BALLOT:key to national stability."
or is it really?when i first had this essay in my grade school days my objectives were clearly idealistic. i tackled about how a politician who runs for a government office should ask for the people's vote, the promises and agendas, the compromise and the platforms. and i think during those times the judges were idealistic too that all that has been written by the contestants were easy to achieve. they should be because i won fifth place for the regional contest.i was really excited when i got my prize of 500 pesos. during that time the amount was big enough to buy a sack of rice and groceries for the whole week.but since i was really young then i didn't think of how i should spend it but rather i thought of buying for personal use. i bought my first barbie doll with it.and now that i am a mother my girls are playing with it too.not that it still look good because all the hair has fallen out.maybe it aged with the years that passed too.
i was sitting by the window when i remembered my barbie doll.i didn't think of playing it but of how i acquired it.three presidents have gone by since i wrote my essay and won it.but the ideas that i have written their were never achieved. we have had a president who loves to travel, another one was a gambler and thrown out of power and now power-grabber president.well, what else is new?during election they would ask for our precious and sacred votes. trying to be humble as possible. giving out the best and promising propaganda one could imagine.but once they get to sit and hold the office, gone are all those things. you cannot even get in touch with them unless you pass through so secretaries, undersecretaries as well as assistant secretaries.. so much for bureaucracy. Thats how politics are done here in our country.
Now that they have finally decided to make it AUTOMATED ELECTION??? hope they really do it good. But as we all know, every election there's always conspiracy between Mr. This and Ms. That, you know what I mean.
Now that I am older and can really vote who I want but doesn't really matter because who they want always wins, I dont believe anymore that the Ballot is the key to national stability. It's the connections that will make people who are hungry for power stable...

Monday, March 29, 2010

disney princesses

I can't imagine I fought with my eldest daughter because of a computer game in just awhile ago??
I freaked out when she wouldn't let me have the computer so that I can update with my blog and the mails I have to check. I started scolding her but she answered me outright like I was just her friend or worst her enemy. My God!! what happened to me? I lost my motherhood for awhile. I know it wasn't right to fight with your child with a very none sense reasons..I might have to start talking to her too. I don't want her growing like I am just someone she lives with. I am her mother so she must talk to me like her mother. do you get what I mean??and to think she's only 6 years old...

Sunday, March 28, 2010

congrats graduates

well, i really hope i would be telling this to my girls when they get to college..i mean it is my greatest frustration that i didn't get to finish my college so i would want them to have the degree. no parents could possibly dream of their children not finishing their school, right?now i know the parents got even with me hahaha...
my eldest finished her kindergarten with flying colors.she got 3 medals for being best in reading, mathematics and with honors. and oh she also got most behave( i wonder why she was given that)..
well, she's really a very active kid. talkative too.but maybe when she is in school she tends to behave.i know my girl.she likes to study even without my assistance. she even likes to practice talking in english because she said that one of these days we will live in america. isn't she very optimistic??just like me so i was told.

Saturday, March 27, 2010


to be honest, its been awhile since i last attended a mass... i got so many irrelevant reasons why. sometimes i reasoned out because of the kids that i could not concentrate with the mass if i bring them with me. or sometimes i just feel like i dont like it. but i do pray every night. i pray for my soul. i pray for the blessings. and i pray for my wrongdoings. i pray for forgiveness.i pray that one day God will give what i always wanted.
early today i went to church with my parents. i had no choice but to bring the kids with me since i don't have babysitter.i didnt thought it is palm sunday today. so when we get to the church i saw there were lots of took us 30 minutes to enter the compound of the church. cars were piling up in and out of the church ground. not to mention the vendors, flower stand, street foods stand and most especially the palms being sold for the blessing of palms.
then i though maybe some of these people dont go to church often like me. maybe they think of church only when they want to or when it is really needed. i am not being hypocrite here.i am just being honest with myself and maybe to anyone who might have read this.
people tend to remember to call God when we needed HIM the most right? when we have big problems that we think we can't solve we run to HIM. but we were showered with blessings oftentimes we forget who He was. i dont mean to hurt people who are like this because i know that i am just the same.sometimes i feel ashamed to ask from HIm anything because i know that i dont deserve to. but He still never left me. even though He has given me so much problem i know He will still guide me in the end.
do u agree???

Friday, March 26, 2010

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Thursday, March 25, 2010


this is my second child, marionette gian...isn't she cute. caught in the act holding a paper bill...tell me it's not worth it to do more and strive hard and even sacrifice for this lil girls face...

i want to

i want to go back in time...
when life was still a lot more easier
i want to change the things i have done wrongly
so i can make amends of the future...
i want to be just like before...
no worries, no cries
i want to be like a flower...
so beautiful and free
i want to be successful...
but things go differently
i want to be free...

help me pls...

it's really not easy to get started with making a blog. when i was in my grade school i always love to write what i think. now that i am on my thirtiesh, i find it so hard to contemplate on what to write. thanks to the help of a long lost friend kikamz. she taught me how to get started. taught me where to exactly enter and post. get traffic and links. i just wish one day if i can make it right or even i don't(really hope i will) i can thank her for the effort and tips she shared with me.even though her sis was my classmate in grade school but still she did not hesitate to extend help for me.
kikamz thank you very much really. you just don't know how much you have helped me.God bless you friend..

single mom cry

what is the hardest part of being a single mom??
i got my first born when i was 25 years old. that ain't young to have a child nor old enough to have one. maybe just in time to finally have. but to have a child without a father is just not simple. i was still in school when i got KD. the minute i knew i got pregnant i got really scared. scared of my father that he may not accept and understand. i runaway. i thought maybe i should have to stand alone since i made into this mess. i don't have to drag my parents into it. but after 3 months i got more scared. i went home to my family and asked my parents forgiveness. soon enough they accepted me. supported me all through the way. even though it was the hardest time of our life since my dad lost his job and no one was supporting us, i had to act brave and strong for the child i was carrying. our neighbors were too caring and helpful to look after my welfare. one particular neighbor supported me from vitamins, milk, baby clothes, maternity clothes to ultrasound. can u imagine that i have to go to her house every morning just so i can have a glass of milk for breakfast and a piece of bread? yes, i went through all this.
i only had Php60 in my pocket when i finally went to the hospital for delivery. i called up my friends but they seemed nowhere to be found.after a month, i had to look for a job in order to support my child. and the father?well, he was living like a bachelor. like there was nothing happened. when life turned out ok, i got my job, the baby grew healthy and i was starting to have our own life, the father came back.
and because then i didn't want my child to grow without a father i surrendered to the call of love.but it never came to my mind of getting married. maybe i am just not the marrying type that's why. but then i got pregnant again. when i told him i was on the way again he got really confused. he had no work at the time, just the same since i met him. i asked him if maybe he should start finding a good job for us because of the coming baby.but he only told me its not worth it. so what am i supposed to do?just let him be??
no way was i able to stay in the life like that. when i got back from work i told him to maybe go back to his own place. it was time to separate ways. now that the kids have grown great with me i don't regret at all for what happened. there's always a reason for everything. and i now my girls will one day understand my decision for raising them singlehandedly. i know i can make it.God will let me make it.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

       Gian, my second child turns 2 this April and unlike her first birthday that i showered her with a big bang party. You know, with all the mascots and party packages. Even though it was rather impractical because i know she would not remember anything happened since she was too young to remember then but i can remember, as well as her elder sister.That was the main reason why i threw her a party. It was actually my frustration. I didn't the chance to have a real kids party during my childhood because basically we couldn't afford it.
      The preparations then was really fun and exciting. It took me a month to prepare started with calling for party makers, the balloons, the cake, the mascot, the giveaways. I had to contact some caterings since I basically don't know how to cook party foods.When i went to see the balloon makers I had to bring my eldest daughter since I wanted to know what kids want in a party. the color and the style. She wanted it to be like a princess so we started choosing pink balloons with little princess printed each of it. Then we went to see where we could find cheaper but elegant cakes that suits the theme for the party. Not to mention that it was delicious too. And so we ordered cupcakes because my daughter told me it would be more fun. I don't have to slice the cake and all to share evenly for the kids. Then we headed for the theme of the party. We bought some costumes for the celebrant and of course for dear Ate KD. We distributed invitations to close friends and family and my nieces even prepared for some presentations to go with the program. Since we don't have a big house with a wide lawn to put the party on, we asked our neighbors if we could make use of the street. Luckily we have very friendly and considerate neighbors so we held it right on the street. we had to close it for 3 hours at the most. Just in time that all the party has been set up and the caterers for the food and the parlor games to let the kids enjoy with the mascot, it rained heavily. So much for all the preparations, not to mention our friends who were there to celebrate with us.The party was ruined.I even started to cry because i felt so sorry for my little girls not to mention the visitors.BUt God has His own ways. After 30 minutes, the rain stopped. and the party started.
     My eldest daughter asked me if we will have another kiddie party for her little sister and i immediately answered No. Its not that i wanted to disappoint her or anything but it's kind of like not applicable now that i just lost my job. And I am sure they will understand me..hopefully next year, I could give them another kiddie party. It might not be as beautiful and extravagant as it was but I will make it sure it will be fun. A party they will never forget.

Friday, March 19, 2010

i'm back

hi, i am back..and i noticed no one has ever read my first post..but then that's how it is. It will not definitely stop me from making another try. ok so here it goes, wish me luck!!
i met someone on the net last year. but we didn't get along because he still had a girlfriend back then.we chatted for awhile and then bid goodbye.then we met on chat room again December last year but we didn't get to hang on longer because her girlfriend kind of pissed off with us chatting so again we said goodbye. February, just when love is in the air i met him again on chat room and this time he was kind of hurting and needed a friend. so there i was listening to his grief about his girlfriend being a two-timer. maybe i had been a good listener to him because he was kind of stuck with me..he didn't want to let go of me even if we chatted for like all night.yes, can u believe that all night. the funny thing was a day after we chatted he sent me a message on messenger asking me of who i was and if we have ever met before..what was that??? he laid his cards on me talking about his unfaithful girlfriend and how he took her four times after each betrayal and then a day after he has forgotten who i was??
anyway, i didn't reply to his message but he was persistent..he still wanted to talk to me and i didn't want to be rude.we got along pretty well after that.we talked for hours on the service of the internet and after awhile on the phone..gosh!i didn't even believe what was coming.he became my boyfriend. accepted who i am and who i am not.accepted my wrongdoings and every consequence that comes to it.
i know it's kind of hard to believe that someone far away, totally a stranger is falling for someone like me.but i would like to believe it because i still believe in love. in spite of the trials that came my way i am not bitter.i might be martyr but i am just who i am.

Friday, February 26, 2010

the life

this is really crazy..i have always wanted to write something of my own interest.that is mainly the reason why i bought my laptop.when i was younger i used to dream of becoming a journalist, or even as a simple writer with nothing in particular to categorize.pardon me for my grammar or anything.its just that i got a little nervous.after all this is my very first time.i don't even know what to talk about..oh silly me!i wanted to make a daily blog of my life and yet i wanted to make a blog about my whole life itself.from everything i could possibly you ever follow what i have trying to say let me just try if i can really make this work and hope there's a single one out there who i could capture the interest of reading me i mean my blog.
to start with i am a single parent of two lovely girls ages 6 and 2 years old.eversince i started college i have always been a working student but then i didn't even get to finish it because of a very untimely pregnancy.yes untimely because it wasn't planned at all.well, who could have planned a pregnancy when you're still in school.that would be ridiculous unless you're married already.oh what am i saying?see i mumble the words i dont't even know.
i was the third child of four father used to work as a freelance agent of electrical generator and my mother a plain and effective you see, when you grow in a family that has been moving from one house to another because can't even afford to buy its own place, your life is always on the run.would you believe if i tell you that we have moved 18 times in my entire life?oh yes we just did.and as always everytime we did, there would be complete adjustment, neighborhood and new friends.but we managed because we had to.adn every house we moved in i had a very vivid experience may it be good or bad. i could still remember the first time we moved, and the longest stay we did in a new house was 8 years actually.i was just 9 years old then .
we had to moved in the city because my older sisters were about to enter college then.for their convenience.and i had to move to a new school too. the good thing was the school was just across the street.i made friends easily with the friendly neighborhood.up until i graduated from highschool we lived in that house.we have faced life's challenges eldest sister got pregnant there right after she graduated from other elder sister decided to get married while we were still living there that eventually changed our life.but i will probably tell you about that some other time.but the most unforgetable moment i can think of living in that house was the discovery of my father having an affair with another woman for 13 years.
yes for 13 years he kept it from us.and you know what's funny there?we got to meet the other woman and my mother befriended her.she invited her to ate with us.went shopping with her.introduced her to my mothers own set of friends.but never came to a point that they insulted each other.mother really had great patience or should i say she was a great martyr way back then.she didnt even fight father about it. all she asked was what happened.where did she go wrong?
now whatever happened to us after the discovery of my fathers infedility i will tell you next time.hope you follow me here in my own my own life.

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