single mom cry

what is the hardest part of being a single mom??
i got my first born when i was 25 years old. that ain't young to have a child nor old enough to have one. maybe just in time to finally have. but to have a child without a father is just not simple. i was still in school when i got KD. the minute i knew i got pregnant i got really scared. scared of my father that he may not accept and understand. i runaway. i thought maybe i should have to stand alone since i made into this mess. i don't have to drag my parents into it. but after 3 months i got more scared. i went home to my family and asked my parents forgiveness. soon enough they accepted me. supported me all through the way. even though it was the hardest time of our life since my dad lost his job and no one was supporting us, i had to act brave and strong for the child i was carrying. our neighbors were too caring and helpful to look after my welfare. one particular neighbor supported me from vitamins, milk, baby clothes, maternity clothes to ultrasound. can u imagine that i have to go to her house every morning just so i can have a glass of milk for breakfast and a piece of bread? yes, i went through all this.
i only had Php60 in my pocket when i finally went to the hospital for delivery. i called up my friends but they seemed nowhere to be found.after a month, i had to look for a job in order to support my child. and the father?well, he was living like a bachelor. like there was nothing happened. when life turned out ok, i got my job, the baby grew healthy and i was starting to have our own life, the father came back.
and because then i didn't want my child to grow without a father i surrendered to the call of love.but it never came to my mind of getting married. maybe i am just not the marrying type that's why. but then i got pregnant again. when i told him i was on the way again he got really confused. he had no work at the time, just the same since i met him. i asked him if maybe he should start finding a good job for us because of the coming baby.but he only told me its not worth it. so what am i supposed to do?just let him be??
no way was i able to stay in the life like that. when i got back from work i told him to maybe go back to his own place. it was time to separate ways. now that the kids have grown great with me i don't regret at all for what happened. there's always a reason for everything. and i now my girls will one day understand my decision for raising them singlehandedly. i know i can make it.God will let me make it.