join me here and we will talk

Saturday, March 27, 2010


to be honest, its been awhile since i last attended a mass... i got so many irrelevant reasons why. sometimes i reasoned out because of the kids that i could not concentrate with the mass if i bring them with me. or sometimes i just feel like i dont like it. but i do pray every night. i pray for my soul. i pray for the blessings. and i pray for my wrongdoings. i pray for forgiveness.i pray that one day God will give what i always wanted.
early today i went to church with my parents. i had no choice but to bring the kids with me since i don't have babysitter.i didnt thought it is palm sunday today. so when we get to the church i saw there were lots of took us 30 minutes to enter the compound of the church. cars were piling up in and out of the church ground. not to mention the vendors, flower stand, street foods stand and most especially the palms being sold for the blessing of palms.
then i though maybe some of these people dont go to church often like me. maybe they think of church only when they want to or when it is really needed. i am not being hypocrite here.i am just being honest with myself and maybe to anyone who might have read this.
people tend to remember to call God when we needed HIM the most right? when we have big problems that we think we can't solve we run to HIM. but we were showered with blessings oftentimes we forget who He was. i dont mean to hurt people who are like this because i know that i am just the same.sometimes i feel ashamed to ask from HIm anything because i know that i dont deserve to. but He still never left me. even though He has given me so much problem i know He will still guide me in the end.
do u agree???

Friday, March 26, 2010

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Thursday, March 25, 2010


this is my second child, marionette gian...isn't she cute. caught in the act holding a paper bill...tell me it's not worth it to do more and strive hard and even sacrifice for this lil girls face...

i want to

i want to go back in time...
when life was still a lot more easier
i want to change the things i have done wrongly
so i can make amends of the future...
i want to be just like before...
no worries, no cries
i want to be like a flower...
so beautiful and free
i want to be successful...
but things go differently
i want to be free...

help me pls...

it's really not easy to get started with making a blog. when i was in my grade school i always love to write what i think. now that i am on my thirtiesh, i find it so hard to contemplate on what to write. thanks to the help of a long lost friend kikamz. she taught me how to get started. taught me where to exactly enter and post. get traffic and links. i just wish one day if i can make it right or even i don't(really hope i will) i can thank her for the effort and tips she shared with me.even though her sis was my classmate in grade school but still she did not hesitate to extend help for me.
kikamz thank you very much really. you just don't know how much you have helped me.God bless you friend..

single mom cry

what is the hardest part of being a single mom??
i got my first born when i was 25 years old. that ain't young to have a child nor old enough to have one. maybe just in time to finally have. but to have a child without a father is just not simple. i was still in school when i got KD. the minute i knew i got pregnant i got really scared. scared of my father that he may not accept and understand. i runaway. i thought maybe i should have to stand alone since i made into this mess. i don't have to drag my parents into it. but after 3 months i got more scared. i went home to my family and asked my parents forgiveness. soon enough they accepted me. supported me all through the way. even though it was the hardest time of our life since my dad lost his job and no one was supporting us, i had to act brave and strong for the child i was carrying. our neighbors were too caring and helpful to look after my welfare. one particular neighbor supported me from vitamins, milk, baby clothes, maternity clothes to ultrasound. can u imagine that i have to go to her house every morning just so i can have a glass of milk for breakfast and a piece of bread? yes, i went through all this.
i only had Php60 in my pocket when i finally went to the hospital for delivery. i called up my friends but they seemed nowhere to be found.after a month, i had to look for a job in order to support my child. and the father?well, he was living like a bachelor. like there was nothing happened. when life turned out ok, i got my job, the baby grew healthy and i was starting to have our own life, the father came back.
and because then i didn't want my child to grow without a father i surrendered to the call of love.but it never came to my mind of getting married. maybe i am just not the marrying type that's why. but then i got pregnant again. when i told him i was on the way again he got really confused. he had no work at the time, just the same since i met him. i asked him if maybe he should start finding a good job for us because of the coming baby.but he only told me its not worth it. so what am i supposed to do?just let him be??
no way was i able to stay in the life like that. when i got back from work i told him to maybe go back to his own place. it was time to separate ways. now that the kids have grown great with me i don't regret at all for what happened. there's always a reason for everything. and i now my girls will one day understand my decision for raising them singlehandedly. i know i can make it.God will let me make it.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

       Gian, my second child turns 2 this April and unlike her first birthday that i showered her with a big bang party. You know, with all the mascots and party packages. Even though it was rather impractical because i know she would not remember anything happened since she was too young to remember then but i can remember, as well as her elder sister.That was the main reason why i threw her a party. It was actually my frustration. I didn't the chance to have a real kids party during my childhood because basically we couldn't afford it.
      The preparations then was really fun and exciting. It took me a month to prepare started with calling for party makers, the balloons, the cake, the mascot, the giveaways. I had to contact some caterings since I basically don't know how to cook party foods.When i went to see the balloon makers I had to bring my eldest daughter since I wanted to know what kids want in a party. the color and the style. She wanted it to be like a princess so we started choosing pink balloons with little princess printed each of it. Then we went to see where we could find cheaper but elegant cakes that suits the theme for the party. Not to mention that it was delicious too. And so we ordered cupcakes because my daughter told me it would be more fun. I don't have to slice the cake and all to share evenly for the kids. Then we headed for the theme of the party. We bought some costumes for the celebrant and of course for dear Ate KD. We distributed invitations to close friends and family and my nieces even prepared for some presentations to go with the program. Since we don't have a big house with a wide lawn to put the party on, we asked our neighbors if we could make use of the street. Luckily we have very friendly and considerate neighbors so we held it right on the street. we had to close it for 3 hours at the most. Just in time that all the party has been set up and the caterers for the food and the parlor games to let the kids enjoy with the mascot, it rained heavily. So much for all the preparations, not to mention our friends who were there to celebrate with us.The party was ruined.I even started to cry because i felt so sorry for my little girls not to mention the visitors.BUt God has His own ways. After 30 minutes, the rain stopped. and the party started.
     My eldest daughter asked me if we will have another kiddie party for her little sister and i immediately answered No. Its not that i wanted to disappoint her or anything but it's kind of like not applicable now that i just lost my job. And I am sure they will understand me..hopefully next year, I could give them another kiddie party. It might not be as beautiful and extravagant as it was but I will make it sure it will be fun. A party they will never forget.