cancer???is it the end...

And so because I was asked by the company to talk with the their doctor, I did not waste time. Even if it was a Saturday I went straight there first thing in the morning of the next day. I was really nervous but very impatient when I went to the office. I thought the employees noticed me being stressed and worn out.
The minute I arrived at the doctor's office I immediately asked for the result. I was asked to sit and listen carefully on his explanation. By then I started to panic. As if I really wanted to cry but no tears were falling. I felt my hand got colder and my cheeks hotter. I wanted to vomit or even pee.
The next thing I heard was that he was saying I have FIBROSIS on my upper right lung... I asked what is that? Is that related to the dreaded tubercolosis??? He then asked me if I even smoked during my entire 32 years. I said No but more often I can smell smoke. 2nd hand smoker I heard him saying that. My upper right lung is not functioning anymore--meaning it has died already. That could be the reason why I was having short breath or if I could smell smoke or if the area is not well ventilated, I find it real hard to breath. Then he explained everything which those everything I could not hear anymore because I wasn't listening at all. I thought of the kids. I thought of the wrong doings I have done in the past. Is this sickness the price I have to pay???