single mom cry

what is the hardest part of being a single mom??
i got my first born when i was 25 years old. that ain't young to have a child nor old enough to have one. maybe just in time to finally have. but to have a child without a father is just not simple. i was still in school when i got KD. the minute i knew i got pregnant i got really scared. scared of my father that he may not accept and understand. i runaway. i thought maybe i should have to stand alone since i made into this mess. i don't have to drag my parents into it. but after 3 months i got more scared. i went home to my family and asked my parents forgiveness. soon enough they accepted me. supported me all through the way. even though it was the hardest time of our life since my dad lost his job and no one was supporting us, i had to act brave and strong for the child i was carrying. our neighbors were too caring and helpful to look after my welfare. one particular neighbor supported me from vitamins, milk, baby clothes, maternity clothes to ultrasound. can u imagine that i have to go to her house every morning just so i can have a glass of milk for breakfast and a piece of bread? yes, i went through all this.
i only had Php60 in my pocket when i finally went to the hospital for delivery. i called up my friends but they seemed nowhere to be found.after a month, i had to look for a job in order to support my child. and the father?well, he was living like a bachelor. like there was nothing happened. when life turned out ok, i got my job, the baby grew healthy and i was starting to have our own life, the father came back.
and because then i didn't want my child to grow without a father i surrendered to the call of love.but it never came to my mind of getting married. maybe i am just not the marrying type that's why. but then i got pregnant again. when i told him i was on the way again he got really confused. he had no work at the time, just the same since i met him. i asked him if maybe he should start finding a good job for us because of the coming baby.but he only told me its not worth it. so what am i supposed to do?just let him be??
no way was i able to stay in the life like that. when i got back from work i told him to maybe go back to his own place. it was time to separate ways. now that the kids have grown great with me i don't regret at all for what happened. there's always a reason for everything. and i now my girls will one day understand my decision for raising them singlehandedly. i know i can make it.God will let me make it.

       Gian, my second child turns 2 this April and unlike her first birthday that i showered her with a big bang party. You know, with all the mascots and party packages. Even though it was rather impractical because i know she would not remember anything happened since she was too young to remember then but i can remember, as well as her elder sister.That was the main reason why i threw her a party. It was actually my frustration. I didn't the chance to have a real kids party during my childhood because basically we couldn't afford it.

      The preparations then was really fun and exciting. It took me a month to prepare started with calling for party makers, the balloons, the cake, the mascot, the giveaways. I had to contact some caterings since I basically don't know how to cook party foods.When i went to see the balloon makers I had to bring my eldest daughter since I wanted to know what kids want in a party. the color and the style. She wanted it to be like a princess so we started choosing pink balloons with little princess printed each of it. Then we went to see where we could find cheaper but elegant cakes that suits the theme for the party. Not to mention that it was delicious too. And so we ordered cupcakes because my daughter told me it would be more fun. I don't have to slice the cake and all to share evenly for the kids. Then we headed for the theme of the party. We bought some costumes for the celebrant and of course for dear Ate KD. We distributed invitations to close friends and family and my nieces even prepared for some presentations to go with the program. Since we don't have a big house with a wide lawn to put the party on, we asked our neighbors if we could make use of the street. Luckily we have very friendly and considerate neighbors so we held it right on the street. we had to close it for 3 hours at the most. Just in time that all the party has been set up and the caterers for the food and the parlor games to let the kids enjoy with the mascot, it rained heavily. So much for all the preparations, not to mention our friends who were there to celebrate with us.The party was ruined.I even started to cry because i felt so sorry for my little girls not to mention the visitors.BUt God has His own ways. After 30 minutes, the rain stopped. and the party started.

     My eldest daughter asked me if we will have another kiddie party for her little sister and i immediately answered No. Its not that i wanted to disappoint her or anything but it's kind of like not applicable now that i just lost my job. And I am sure they will understand me..hopefully next year, I could give them another kiddie party. It might not be as beautiful and extravagant as it was but I will make it sure it will be fun. A party they will never forget.

i'm back

hi, i am back..and i noticed no one has ever read my first post..but then that's how it is. It will not definitely stop me from making another try. ok so here it goes, wish me luck!!
i met someone on the net last year. but we didn't get along because he still had a girlfriend back then.we chatted for awhile and then bid goodbye.then we met on chat room again December last year but we didn't get to hang on longer because her girlfriend kind of pissed off with us chatting so again we said goodbye. February, just when love is in the air i met him again on chat room and this time he was kind of hurting and needed a friend. so there i was listening to his grief about his girlfriend being a two-timer. maybe i had been a good listener to him because he was kind of stuck with me..he didn't want to let go of me even if we chatted for like all night.yes, can u believe that all night. the funny thing was a day after we chatted he sent me a message on messenger asking me of who i was and if we have ever met before..what was that??? he laid his cards on me talking about his unfaithful girlfriend and how he took her four times after each betrayal and then a day after he has forgotten who i was??
anyway, i didn't reply to his message but he was persistent..he still wanted to talk to me and i didn't want to be rude.we got along pretty well after that.we talked for hours on the service of the internet and after awhile on the phone..gosh!i didn't even believe what was coming.he became my boyfriend. accepted who i am and who i am not.accepted my wrongdoings and every consequence that comes to it.
i know it's kind of hard to believe that someone far away, totally a stranger is falling for someone like me.but i would like to believe it because i still believe in love. in spite of the trials that came my way i am not bitter.i might be martyr but i am just who i am.